Forget ‘Happily Ever After’: why lavender marriages are the new trend for modern love
Imagine this: You and your best friend, who knows your coffee order by heart and never forgets your birthday, decide to get married. Not because of tradition or romance, but because life is expensive, dating is exhausting and you both want a reliable partner to navigate adulthood with.
Sounds strange? Well, not to Gen Z’s and some millennials.
The concept of a lavender marriage is making a comeback but with a fresh, modern twist.
Historically, these marriages were arrangements where one or both partners were part of the LGBTQIA+ community, using marriage as a cover to avoid discrimination.
In the past century, especially in Hollywood, many celebrities have entered into lavender marriages to maintain their careers and avoid being ostracised.
However, the term is evolving. Instead of it being about secrecy, it's about security, companionship and practicality, sparking big debates on social media.
Why are lavender marriages trending again?
In a world where the cost of living keeps rising and romantic relationships are increasingly complicated, many people are rethinking marriage.
Young adults, especially in countries like the US and South Africa, are feeling the financial pressures of housing costs, healthcare, childcare, and inflation.
The idea of sharing these burdens with a trusted friend rather than a romantic partner is becoming more appealing.
@mrwilliamsprek Girly, let’s get married! #marriage #wedding #besties #gbff #lavenderwedding ♬ original sound - Mr Williams
Social media is flooded with discussions about this trend. TikTok, Reddit, and Twitter (X) are filled with people asking: "Wouldn't it be easier to just marry my best friend instead of struggling with dating apps and heartbreak?"
According to “Psychology Today”, many women are even expressing a preference for bisexual or queer men as partners, citing better emotional understanding and communication.
Is a marriage without romance even a marriage?
Traditionally, marriage has been associated with love, romance and physical intimacy. But younger generations are challenging that idea, arguing that marriage can prioritise emotional and financial partnership over physical attraction.
Take the case of Samantha Greenstone and Jacob Hoff, featured in “The New York Times”.
Samantha, who identifies as straight, and Jacob, who identifies as gay, married after realising they were “soulmates” in a non-romantic way. They've been happily married for eight years, sharing a deep bond that many romantic couples envy.
Their story has sparked mixed reactions online as some people celebrate their honesty and connection, while others are confused or even angry about redefining marriage in this way.
Platonic marriages
A lavender marriage in today’s terms is essentially a platonic marriage a legal and social partnership between two people who are not romantically involved.
And while it may sound new, platonic marriages have existed for centuries, just under different names. In many cultures, marriages were once arranged based on economic stability rather than love. Love marriages, in fact, are a fairly recent phenomenon.
Now, with Gen Z and millennials struggling with financial stability, the idea is resurfacing. Some of the benefits of a platonic marriage include:
- Financial security (shared bills, dual incomes, tax breaks).
- Legal benefits (healthcare coverage, spousal rights).
- Emotional support (avoiding loneliness, having a lifelong companion).
- Shared responsibilities (childcare, household management, elder care).
A user on Reddit summed it up perfectly: "I'd rather marry a gay man who takes care of me and makes me feel at peace than a straight man who can’t meet the bare minimum and gets resentful when I’m not in the mood."
This sentiment is resonating with many people, especially women who feel burned out by modern dating dynamics.
Is this a reaction to modern dating and politics?
Many believe that the rise of lavender marriages is a direct response to political and social changes.
During the Trump era, LGBTQIA+ rights faced significant challenges in the US, leading some queer individuals to consider alternative ways to secure legal protections.
@laurelcoral Part 4 (I think) of “what the heck is gonna happen next year?”
♬ original sound - LaurelCoral
Similarly, in South Africa, where LGBTQIA+ rights are legally protected but societal attitudes can still be conservative, some people see lavender marriages as a way to find safety and security.
At the same time, modern dating culture is exhausting. The rise of ghosting, cheating, and unrealistic expectations has left many people disillusioned. God knows we’ve all had our fair share of modern dating experiences.
Instead of constantly seeking "the one", some are choosing stability over romance.
Is this the future of marriage?
While some celebrate this shift, others worry that it undermines the traditional meaning of marriage.
Sociologists argue that using the term “lavender marriage” might erase the painful history of LGBTQIA+ individuals who had no choice but to enter these arrangements for survival.
However, as marriage continues to evolve, so to does its definition.
For Gen Z and millennials, the focus is shifting from romantic love to partnership, trust, and long-term stability. And in a world that feels increasingly uncertain, perhaps a best-friend-for-life marriage doesn’t sound so bad after all.
As this trend gains traction, one thing is clear: marriage is no longer just about love. It’s about security, companionship, and shared goals.
So, what do you think?
Would you marry your best friend if it meant financial stability, emotional support, and a drama-free life? Or do you believe marriage should always be based on romance?