Couch exclusive: a breakthrough insight into South Africa’s influence and biggest export ‒ cadre deployment.

Twixt gasps of horror, hysterical laughter and enormous hypocrisy in the face of what the couch preaches so loudly and frequently ‒ trying to find kindness in your heart while dealing with awful, ignorant people ‒ has been a macabre and magnetic voyeurism of watching the US’s slow-mo train smash.

It would be delicious if it wasn’t going to ultimately hurt us and our emerging-market rand badly.

Before fleeing social media in a calculated exit in the best interests of mental health and the welfare of all who live on the furniture, we had looked on at the large but loose global “movement” rallying behind the belief that if someone did bad things, karma would catch them and dish out fitting penalties. It was shortened to “f*** around, find out”, or #FAFO.

We Saffers knew that didn’t happen to the rich, powerful and entrenched, but it was mighty fine to dream about.

There was much Fafoing during two toothless impeachments over the “Russia-Russia-Russia hoax” and inciting the insurrection at the US Capitol in 2021. Then through the pursuit of due legal process to ensure the rioters and their cheerleaders faced justice. Many foot soldiers went from shrieking, baying hordes to whimpering, cowardly inmates. However they were no less convinced they were at war against traitorous paedophiles (aka Democrats) who trafficked in babies, ran a Deep State and New World Order which wanted to take their guns and rip babies from the womb. Oh, and stole the rigged 2020 election.

There was also much teeth-gnashing and glee when top secret documents were found cluttered around the Golden Toilet (well, maybe not that toilet but who can resist such giddying Fafoing?) before it all got in front of a judge bought and paid for by the chief accused. That case went down the toilet pretty fast.

All the while, the main instigator deployed Stalingrad tactics that would make our corruptor-in-chief weep. The head honcho had also by then infected the Supreme Court with his poison, winning immunity to do anything he pleases as he starts his second term.

The US constitution limits it to two, but he’s already suggested he’ll do such a wonderful job, his now Republican-packed congress would be so happy they wouldn’t ever let him out of the Oval Office again.

All that would be bad enough, but now comes the cherry on top: the cadre deployment that even the most Thirdest of Third World leaders would show some shame about.

It would be inhumane to sit on the sidelines, howling with laughter to the point of vomiting, if it weren’t so self-inflicted and stupendously serious.

The choices of people for the top posts have those outside the cadre circle literally in fear for their lives. Several ‒ journalists, podcasters, activists, political rivals, former senior employees and critics ‒ have “go-bags” and evacuation plans for when the heavies move on them.

The voters who “FA” are now “FO”. Many are astonished that the Obamacare they were thrilled to see eliminated is the same thing as the Medicaid millions of them survive on. Seriously. That the “illegal” immigrants they’re going to use the military to round up and deport does indeed include Grandma and Pappy who fled there to make better lives 60 years ago, and their descendants.

As the new government stormtroopers are named, media that have done a p***-poor job of accurately reporting the looming lunacy by sane-washing or demanding immensely higher standards from his opposing candidates, are now digging like CATs for the dirt.

They are finding great sewers of it, but it’s too late. With a fully crushed and obedient Congress, We The People are going to find out.

The Great Cadreship is going full steam ahead and the world had better trim for the storm.