By Sharon Gordon
LET us strive to thrive in 2025. How’s that for starting off the year? Rhyming and all that. If like me you’re still waiting to start last year’s resolutions then let me offer some advice, forget about resolutions and move on. You need to slowly change the way you look at life.
I have written about this before but having had conversations with men and women I know, a lack of libido seems to be the sexual health problem of the decade. I think that popular media has made it so.
The most common question I’m always asked is: ‘How often should we be having sex?’
The answer is not simple. Libido and the frequency we have sex (the two are not mutually exclusive) is dependent on each individuals’ circumstances. The lack of either can depend on a multitude of factors ranging from medical and mental conditions to environment and opportunity.
I am constantly amazed at how little research has been done on matters of a sexual nature.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that the clitoris was only mapped for the first time in about 1995. When it comes to menopause, its symptoms and cures, it seems that the research that has been done is less than 20 years old and there are still many questions to be answered. A lack of libido is definitely one of the symptoms. Next to disturbed sleep I have to say that this is my least favourite.
How does one, involved in the sexual health industry give advice, sell pleasure products and lubricants when the desire to actually have sex is absent?
That’s not entirely true. My libido rallies. What does frustrate me is that the orgasm is often illusive. So, what to do?
My old aunt would have said: ‘Force yourself, my child, force yourself’. It is really good advice. The more sex you have the easier it gets to remain intimate with your partner. It is also great for your confidence and self-esteem. Everyone wants to be desired.
Today I'd like to share 5 things to do that will help.
Yoga – I know it seems a bit out there. But exercise is extremely good for your
mental and physical state. Yoga in particular will keep you supple, increase blood
flow to all the right areas and help with those orgasms.
I used to be in shape and have recently subscribed to those wall Pilates Apps. I’m on
the easy level. Five to seven minutes of what I would have giggled at before. Now it
has me huffing and puffing. I reward myself with chocolate (it’s an aphrodisiac!).
That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Yoga will also teach you great breathing techniques which can help with managing
blood pressure, anxiety, depression and disturbed sleep. Sounds like a win to me.
Drink more water – sounds like a New Year Resolution but honestly, it’s one of the
kindest things you can do for your body, mind and libido.
Water is a filtration agent that cleans the body of toxins and impurities. If you don’t
flush the toxins, they can affect your tissues, organs and hormones. Drinking water
can also help with brain fog and skin texture.
If you just drank water for a month you would glow, and who doesn’t want to glow?
Avoid Alcohol – Urg, another New Year Resolution. If you enjoy a glass that’s fine but don’t overindulge.
Alcohol interferes with your ability to feel sexual stimulation. It interferes with the
signals between the genitals and the brain. After heavy drinking you may find it
difficult to get an erection in the case of men, and/or reach orgasm, in the case of
Both. Alcohol can also be a downer and dehydrate you, undoing all that water I mentioned earlier.
Get enough sleep – Studies have shown that a good night’s rest can be related to
greater sexual desire the next day. If you haven’t slept well or have had constant disruptive sleep the likelihood of you feeling desire is almost zero. You will probably prefer to stab him than have sex with him.
This one if for all those long-term relationships out there, Higher levels of intimacy
are associated with higher sexual desire.
The longer a couple are together the less they try to be intimate. Intimacy doesn’t
only mean having sex. In fact, I’d hazard a guess that many couples would like to
experience touch without the pressure of it leading to sex.
Many women I know avoid being touched because it always feels sexual and that a
demand is being made. So, try kissing, holding hands and touching areas that are
not associated with sex. Leave the genitals and breasts out of it.
I often wonder how men would feel if every time we walked past them, we groped
their penis. I’m sure it would be fun for a day or two and then tiresome.
Maybe I should do a column on what intimacy looks like to different people. I’d love you to share your favourite.
I hope you have a wonderful year, whether it be good, bad or ugly.
Please follow me on social media
Instagram - @lolamontezboutique
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/LOLA.MONTEZ.PAGE
YouTube- https://www.youtube.com/SharonGordonLolaMontez