Dear Kjell
The minute you turned on the charm at the press conference to announce that you would be the new Orlando Pirates coach, I have been dying to ask: Do nice guys really finish last?
I often find it so hard to believe that lovable chaps like you can sometimes get the short end of the stick. Well, I guess we are about to find out. I am sure you already know the terms and conditions of being a Pirates coach - it can be quite a daunting task. Heck, the guy you are replacing, Muhsin Ertugral, quit seven matches into the current Premier League season.
And Augusto Palacios, the man who stepped in to try and steady the ship in the interim, kept giving us health scares each time the Buccaneers conceded a goal.
Last week he had his hand on his chest looking for a heartbeat as your new club laboured to a 2-2 draw against high-flying Cape Town City. You will soon meet Palacios, Kjell. He’s also a lovable guy, and they call him the “Professor”.
Your appointment was so left-field (for a few good seconds on Monday we could not spell or pronounce your name), no one came close to speculating that you would be signing a three-year contract with the Soweto giants, who are four-time Premier League champions. But they have looked more like chumps lately and that is where you come in. I don’t have to tell you that you must hit the ground running. I hear you once did the double at one of your previous clubs. Let me remind you that it won’t count for much until you bring success at Pirates.
Ertugral, the Turkish coach I mentioned earlier who quit on TV after the Buccaneers were hammered 6-1 by SuperSport United in November, has a history as a serial cup winner, especially during his time with arch-rivals Kaizer Chiefs. He won every trophy on offer, with the exception of the championship. He came to Pirates to change that, and look what happened. I am just giving you a heads-up, Kjell.
Pirates chairman Irvin Khoza said he thought Ertugral was “on a bit of a holiday” at Mpumalanga Black Aces, a club with less financial muscle than the big hitters in South African football but finished in fourth place last season - above both Pirates and Chiefs. And Khoza still thought this man was on holiday. There you go, Kjell, you clearly have your work cut out.
But you seem like a nice guy and I am slowly buying into the idea that you could be the right fit for Pirates. Oh, did I mention that in 21 years only one Pirates coach has been able to hang on for the full three years of the standard contract offered by Khoza? My friend, it’s hot in the kitchen. Ruud Krol remains the only man to stick it out, and it paid off when he won the treble in his final season. But you know what is even more shocking? The Dutchman did not have his contract renewed. He walked into Khoza’s office to hand over the league title and walked out unemployed.
All the best, Kjell Jonevret.
Yours in sport,
Mazola Molefe
@superjourno