Belfast - The antics of celebrities like Russell Brand and Tiger Woods, who both spent time in sex addiction centres, have made racy headlines around the world. But the big question is: Is sex addiction simply a case of men behaving badly, having their cake and eating it, or is it a real medical complaint that can ruin lives?
Two sex addiction therapists insist there's no doubt it's a serious condition.
Joan Birkmyre and Mary Martin have been therapists in private practice for many years and they say more and more people in Northern Ireland - mainly men (of any age or background), but some women too - are presenting themselves as sex addicts.
Sex addiction varies from indulging in frequent casual sex, risk-taking sex and visiting prostitutes to being hooked on pornography websites. People often start by experimenting, just as with alcohol or drugs, but gradually find themselves turning more to these activities during difficult periods in their lives.
Joan, who runs a clinic in Ballyclare, Co Antrim, says: “The problem is out there and it's a hugely sensitive issue. Quite a lot of people don't know where to obtain help. They may have gone to their GP or a general counsellor but their issues may not be fully disclosed and therefore aren't addressed. Our focus is to let people know that specific help and treatment is available to them.”
She explains: “A sex addict often first seeks help as a result of some sort of crisis in their life. There may be relationship problems, issues in the workplace or legal consequences to their behaviour. They may have fallen into debt or face a conviction.”
Online porn in particular has taken off in recent years. Studies in the US show that 36-40 percent of students started watching internet sex before the age of 10. Other studies suggest that 80% of internet porn usage takes place between the hours of 9am and 5pm, so it is increasingly an issue employers are concerned about.
There are thousands and thousands of these websites which are easily accessible, affordable and anonymous. And time spent on the internet is valuable time spent away from the family or work.
While we may live in a society where sex is displayed everywhere - on billboards, TV, magazines and in cinema - Joan argues there is still huge reticence about talking openly about it.
“I think the problem has always been there but has rarely been talked about. The addiction has usually been going on for some time when the client seeks help and they typically have a huge sense of shame.
“Sex is still a taboo subject here and people will make excuses to themselves for their sexual misdemeanours. Taking that initial step to get help is huge.”
Sex addiction fills a need and often masks deeper-rooted problems. Many clients have a difficulty developing close relationships, some come from a family where other addictions are present so it sometimes becomes a learned behaviour while others may have suffered a childhood trauma such as some form of abuse.
Joan stresses that recovery is about re-programming behaviour and breaking bad habits. “Sex addiction has been likened to alcoholism. There is a need for long-term therapeutic support, mentoring and inclusion in a group recovery programme,” she says.
There have been support groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous in operation in Britain for a number of years but so far there are none in Northern Ireland.
The therapists - who charge £40 (about R450) a session - both hope that recovering addicts will eventually set up local long-term self-help recovery groups. They also recommend group support sessions for partners to tackle the difficulties of living with a sex addict.
But how do you know if you have a healthy sex-drive or an addiction?
There is a quick checklist of four questions that the concerned individual may ask:
* Is it preoccupying or out of control?
* Do you have difficulty stopping and staying stopped?
* Are there adverse consequences (for example a breakdown in relationships or a sexually transmitted infection)?
* Is your behaviour managing some negative affect, eg boredom, loneliness, stress, anger, depression, insecurity, low self-esteem?
Joan, a former nurse, became involved in sex therapy after she did a degree in psychology.
She said: “Sex is a very normal part of human health but it isn't addressed well in general. People with sexual problems find it extremely difficult to get help - there aren't many specialists in this field. If you go down the NHS route, there are waiting lists.
“More needs to be done and I wanted to help.”
Mary, lives in Lurgan, Co Armagh, where she runs her clinic. “Our treatment and expertise is very specialised. We also work in the area of sexual dysfunction - many who present with sexual dysfunction may have a sexual addiction or vice versa,” she says.
“Clients may come and see me on their own at first. Other clients want to involve their partner in the early stages for support. Sometimes a partner isn't aware there is a problem, though they will probably be aware that something is wrong in the relationship.
“The partners may even have issues of their own, perhaps with low self-esteem. Women may worry that they aren't good looking enough or not as available to their husband as they should be. However, in high profile cases the women are glamorous, so looks aren't an issue at all.”
She adds: “The addiction can be a form of self-medication for sleeplessness, anxiety, pain, or an escape from family and life problems.”
What do the therapy sessions involve? “Programmes are tailored to the individual. Initially, we look at the client's past and help them explore the origins of their difficulties and understand their problems and why they are behaving the way they are. The treatment includes therapies such as music, art or meditation,” she says.
“A good therapeutic alliance with the client is a key to any therapy or counselling.”
How long does it take to overcome an addiction like this? “The timescale for therapy is different for everyone so it's difficult to be precise. Its success depends on how willing and committed they are to engage in the therapy process,” says Mary.
In an attempt to rid themselves of the addiction some sufferers become sexual anorexics. “They have such self-loathing they decide they won't have sex again, which causes problems if they are in a relationship. You can't tell someone you can't have sex for the rest of your life. We help people to realise there are healthy sexual patterns they can have as well.”
Recognising the growing demand, the two long-time colleagues, who are both married with families, have furthered their training and skills. Joan has studied with Dr Thaddeus Birchard, a leading expert in the field of sexual addiction in the UK. She is also one of the founder members of the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (ATSAC), which provides information and support on sexual addiction and compulsivity.
Since 2009, Mary has been studying and attending specialised professional training in sexual addictions, treatment and recovery with leading experts in the US. Both therapists plan to conduct their own Northern Ireland-based research in this area.
The men who wanted more
Russell Brand
The Sun newspaper named their Shagger Of The Year Award after Russell Brand who won it three years in a row. The comedian's womanising has been well documented in the Press - where it was rumoured he once slept with 80 women in a month - and in his autobiography My Booky Wook. There is even a 'Shag and Shame' page dedicated to his conquests on Facebook. The rake has since reformed after spending time in a sex addiction centre in Philadelphia and last year married songstress Katy Perry.
David Duchovny
“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” said David Duchovny in 2008. A short time later it was revealed he had been separated from his wife, Tea Leoni, for several months. It was claimed in the Press that Leoni had threatened to divorce him unless he sought treatment for numerous infidelities. This was a case of life imitating art as Duchovny had been playing womaniser Hank Moody in the US show Californication. Although it has been reported that Duchovny has re-united with his wife, the couple have yet to confirm this.
Tiger Woods
When Tiger Woods crashed his car on the evening of November 27, 2009, because of a row with his wife, no one would have guessed at the scandal that was about to unfold. In subsequent weeks more than a dozen women claimed they had had extra-marital affairs with Woods. As a result he lost over $35m in sponsorship deals and was eventually divorced from his wife. The golfer was photographed at a Mississippi rehabilitation centre at the start of 2010 and has since made a return to professional golfing. - Belfast Telegraph