London - Lobbying for a new pet has reached fever pitch at home this week.
All four of the children have thrown themselves into a campaign to convince me to buy a “fur baby”, as one of them put it.
The trouble is, they are split into two camps - canine and feline - and only a weak-willed, parental amateur would get both. So, what to do?
The youngest, Mabel, who is almost five, is a cat fan. She and next door’s multi-coloured moggy have a deep and meaningful relationship. They’re so close, we stock fish-shaped cat biscuits just for his visits.
That’s the thing about cats - they’ll do anything for a warm lap and a few treats. You don’t own them, do you? But they are small, independent, solitary and generally low-maintenance, so are perfect for a big family with two working parents.
You don’t need to take them for a walk, and cat people tend to keep themselves to themselves: they are less time-consuming than dog people, who roam in packs and talk to everyone.
It used to take longer to get to our local park with our blind, diabetic Airedale, who sadly died, aged ten, in January, than it took to walk him because of all the chit-chat with random strangers along the way. While Mr Candy loves a good gossip, all that chatting had an adverse effect on my daily to-do list. I am in the cat camp for this reason: it’s quicker and easier. Cats are also less needy.
So myself, Mabel and my son Henry, nine, are on the feline front. Meanwhile, my husband (who spent much of Sunday Googling Welsh terriers), my eldest, aged 13, and Gracie-in-the-middle, 12, want a puppy.
I sense Gracie could go either way, though, so Mabel and I played our trump card by showing her the Battersea Dogs and Cats Home website, which profiles its animals online, along with fun videos - the cutest, cleverest trick in the animal adoption book.
She was lost in cat world for an hour, until her eldest sister pointed out that cats are “boring” because they are largely nocturnal and sleep all day (which is, ironically, what she does).
The teenager has written a list for me detailing why we need a dog and sends me texts of dog pictures throughout the day.
I have to say, it is not a well-constructed, logical list. “You can put a Santa hat on a dog and take a picture for Christmas cards” is not the most persuasive of reasons to buy one, but she is right that a cat would never allow that because cats are smarter.
She points out that dogs vacuum up all the dropped food, of which there is a lot in a big family; they are pleased to see you when you get home (unlike teenagers); they “get you out” (I don’t know what she thinks I do all day); they, too, like biscuits; and, finally, if we had a dog, it would have happily watched Eurovision with me without judgement - unlike cats (and the rest of my family, who watched it under protest), who sit in judgement on the human race.
I am suspicious of her dog campaign, though, and wonder if nabbing some “likes” on social media may be behind it.
“Dogs of Instagram” is a big thing among teenagers, and I reckon she feels left out of this particular trend because she doesn’t have any dog photos to share.
When I mention this, she looks at me with predictable outrage and launches into a monologue about dogs being there for you when your heartless parents aren’t.
“I don’t know how I will get through my exams without a dog,” she adds, persuasively.
It’s been nearly five years since we had a baby, after a decade of always having something small and cuddly in the house, and nearly six months since we lost Duke, the dog, and Walter White, the dwarf hamster. The house does, indeed, feel ready for a new member of the family.
We have the time, we have the space and we have the will. And we know how important and serious this decision is. We just can’t agree on what to get.
But maybe Mabel will have the final say - after all, it is her fifth birthday next week.
* Lorraine Candy is the editor-in-chief of Elle magazine.
Daily Mail