Lasizwe Dambuza seems to have opened a can of worms on social media this week.
The local YouTuber took to Twitter to explain that children should be taught about same-sex relationships from the age of seven.
“I believe we need to start educating kids from the ages of 7 about homosexuality and make them understand about same-sex love,” he wrote.
Social media seemed divided on the issue.
But it brought up the important question of how parents can address talking to their children about queer relationships without confusing them.
Below, Kate Rowe, founder and chief executive of Explorare, explains further.
Talking about sexuality, same sex partnership and different kinds of love with kids may feel like tricky territory.
The questions of “how do I begin”, “what do I say", ”will I be able to answer the questions they may ask me“? leaves many parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents feeling nervous and unsure.
There is no “right way”, there is only the way which feels in alignment for your family. It may seem like these conversations (about sex and sexuality) come out of the blue. However, we model and teach kids about different kinds of relationships as soon as they are born.
For me, the question is not about do I talk to my kids about same sex love or not, rather is what do I want my children to know about different kinds of relationships and love?
This includes sibling’s, extended family, friends, and animals.
What are the values I want to encourage them to live in their lives? And how can I live these values in my own life? Are you teaching your kids about compassion and kindness? Or judgement and hate?
We do not need to agree with or even understand another person’s choices, however there is always the choice to treat another person with kindness.
Children are going to see all types of relationships and love expressed in many ways, they are going to be curious about it, you as a parent have an to opportunity to speak with them about all these things when it feels appropriate in your family. I would recommend engaging with their curiosity from a young age.
If a child at four or five asks why those two men are holding hands, or kissing, don’t ignore it. Talk about it. If in that moment you are feeling overwhelmed and a little gobsmacked then, pause take a breath and if you don’t have an answer it is okay to say you are not sure and lets talk about it more when we get home.
I highly recommend that you spend some time thinking and talking to other members in your family about how you can answer questions like this.
Accurate, honest and age appropriate information given to kids about same sex relationships and different kinds of love helps to give your child choice, it empowers them. It does not mean they are now going to choose that kind of relationship; they might choose it because it feels right for them.
But they are not more likely to choose it because they learnt about it or understand it is possible.
In summary, there is no specific right way, right time, right age, it is an ongoing conversation about relationships and love which morph and change as a child gets older.
Do not leave these conversations about sexuality and relationship, which includes boundaries, consent, different kinds of love to when your kids are teenagers. Have these conversations early, small interactions often, the idea of “the sex talk” is not useful, nor is it realistic. The only thing which is concrete is that these conversations need to happen.
If this feeling challenging, take some time to notice what is uncomfortable in you when talking about these topics, start there and ask yourself “Why am I so uncomfortable talking about this?”
Is there a way I can agree or disagree with another person’s relationship choice and communicate my boundaries around this with compassion and kindness? And in turn be able to speak with my children about this and model respect for a person’s choices even if they don’t align with my own?
Talking about same sex relationships is as much about explaining what it is and how there are different types of love, as it is about your judgements on this and how you communicate this with your kids.
If you condemn and shun a relationship choice, take a moment to really think about what you are modelling for your children? What kind of people do you want your children to grow into?
Let your values guide you, if your value is love, acceptance or kindness, this is what shapes the conversation even if it feels uncomfortable or challenging.
* Kate Rowe is the founder and chief executive of Explorare - an online portal that grows authentic relationships between parents and children.
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.